“At any moment, man must decide, for better or for worse, what will be the monument of his existence.”
― Viktor E. Frankl
I think I have OD'd on Oprah. Nothing against you Oprah. You are awesome. But I think for many of us, there is this anxiety connected with believing we have the power to pursue a life that is meant for us, a life that is remarkable, a life that is ear-marked for me and me alone. I get it the idea that we can all make a difference in this world. I believe it. I stand behind it. But there is danger in assuming that this life of meaning is one on a grand scale. How can I, without the support of money, fame, or Oprah's makeover crew create a life that is so full of impact, so meaningful?
In my work as a counselor, I have heard countless stories of feeling completely paralyzed by the pressure to do something big. Sure, we all want to change to world and make it a better place at some point in our lives. But then there is the reality of paying the rent, making the kids' lunches, struggling with cutbacks, unexpected roadblocks. So, how can we live that big life-that life full of adventure and the conviction of our youth, as we get wrapped up in struggling to get by day to day?
I am a full believer that we all have the power to be the hero of our own stories of greatness. These are the stories where we are recognized for the things that truly matter to us the most. But I think we can begin this greatness with small everyday acts that we participate in. One doesn't need to join the peace corps, or the UN to save the world. One doesn't need to write the next bestselling novel or even be the president of the PTO. One just needs to be able to live intentionally, in a way that matters.
In fact, I don't think that we find meaning in our lives. I think that we make it. We make it with each and every action that we perform throughout the day. Do we perform our chores with love, or do we scurry around to just get by and get them done? When we have conversations with coworkers or our family members are we really listening to what they are saying or are we simply thinking about what we will say next? Do we leave a conversation having connected with another individual, or was it simply an opportunity to share or boast about ourselves? Do we spend time getting to know our children, or are we simply trying to control them?
It all boils does to this: Its not what we do in our lives-its how we do it.
We've all been there. We can go through our days on auto pilot-not really paying attention to what we are doing, and ultimately not really making an impact. Or we can go through our days and really and truly listen and pay attention to what is going on around us. Even if it is something as mundane as, for example, doing the dishes, I can live a life of meaning. I can choose to do the dishes haphazardly, and just want to get the task done without really caring. Or, I can do the dishes in a way that is fun and intentional. I can try to enjoy the task at hand-whether it is by involving my kids in a game of teamwork, or arranging the dishes in a pleasing way, or getting great satisfaction from a mundane task well done. Conversely, I can think of many events during the day that are real opportunities for a meaningful and fun existence, but that are often wasted by just going through the motions. Helping my kids with their homework can be fun, if I am truly listening to them, or it can be a nightmare if I am short tempered and just want to get the job done so that I can return to my book. Taking a walk with my dog can be a struggle, and a chore-where I rush her along and think about my next task. Or, the walk can be 20 minutes of bonding time, where my beloved dog and I can experience the morning of a new day together.
My goal in writing this Blog is to create a space we can inspire each other to engage in a life that means something. My intention is to raise some questions. What qualities would we really like to be known for? Is it really important that we reach some external goal( like getting a good grade or winning at an event) or is it more important HOW we get there? I am certainly not going to even pretend to have any of these answers. But by raising awareness to the questions, asking ourselves how we would like to be known, I hope that this can help guide each of our days towards moments that are meaningful.
Would I like to be known as one who gives? Is charitable? Smart? Hard working?
For me, hands down, I believe the quality I would like to be known for is in my ability to listen. I believe in the power of listening. I know that by listening to others more than talking about myself, I can truly help to build bridges of understanding , rather than build towers of competition.
My goal is to engage in one task each and every day that I find to be meaningful. a task where it is not what I do-but HOW I do it. I will ask myself these questions- Is it done with joy? Am I truly listening to those around me? Am I engaged and connected in the conversation? Am I completely present in the moment instead of just checking it off my to-do list?
I am convinced by focusing on the How we do things, we can share our stories, support one another, and collectively make an impact and live a live that matters. Won't you join me?
For now, I am off to go for a bike ride with my kids, to listen to the birds sing and feel the spring wind in my face. My hope it to be present enough to share in the experience with my children and learn something new about them. After that I think I will do the laundry-with joy.
